i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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