It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
