3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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