U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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