a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
