I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
