i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
