The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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