No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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