I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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