is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
