a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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