if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
