i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
