you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
