I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
