bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
