Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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