Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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