Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
