We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
