When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
