How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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