You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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