She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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