maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
