In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
