So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
