I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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