so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
