Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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