Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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