Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
