I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
People in love make me want to vomit
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
