it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
