Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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