I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
