I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
