I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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