i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
