I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
