Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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