I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
