eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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