She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
