hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
