but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
