Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
