I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
