Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
