So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Randomize
