**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Actions speak louder than pants.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
